surely, you have given your future a thought. a thought of how you want it to be.
and then, somewhere along the way, in some uneventful day, you somehow see glimpses of it. glimpses of a future life you so dearly wish for, on other people. you see those glimpses in other people’s life.
you can’t quite shake the feeling of envy. that person lives the life you’ve always wanted. a life that you’re deprived of due to circumstances that hindrance your wishes. though you can’t quite shake the feeling of longing. longing for a life you are isolated from, whether by forces of nature, forces of the social circle you’re growing up in, or forces that come simply from within yourself.
and then you feel a sort of impatience.
when will i be able to live a life like that?
when will they let me go?
when will i be old enough?
and then you feel hesitant.
will i be able to live such a life, when the time comes?
when the time comes, will my life be like that?
will i be brave enough?
and then you decide, you’ll start now. no matter how petty your doing is, you’re doing it to be the person you want to be in the future. to build the life you want to have in the future. to be with the sort of people you want to be with in the future.
even so, you are merely hanging on a single, tiny strand of hope.
a single, tiny strand of hope that comes from a person who is not very hopeful in the first place anyway.
yet you can’t help but feel hopelessly hopeful.
and then, all that thinking and worrying tire you out. so you seek the peace you found, when you’re asleep.
maybe by then you would succumb to your dreams and relish your worries, even for only a few hours of unconsciousness in the dark and cold, four-walled cubical thing you call your room.